Genitalia quotes

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

Robin Williams

“Where were you kicking? I ain't got no balls, dummy.”

Conchata Ferrell - Jan

“- Professor Shelly Oberon: Oh my God, this is so cool! Martha, come look at my penis!
- Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!”

Jack Black - Bethany
Karen Gillan - Martha

“- Rod Lane: I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...had your name written all over it.
- Tina Gray: There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?”
Jsu Garcia - Rod Lane
Amanda Wyss - Tina Gray

“- Fletcher Reede: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
- Judge Marshall Stevens: Can't it wait?
- Fletcher Reede: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!
- Judge Marshall Stevens: Is that true?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede
Jason Bernard - Judge Marshall Stevens

“- Tod: Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first... boner. You know what that is?
- Helen: If memory serves.
- Tod: Aw, great! Anyway, since then, he's been... uh... slappin' the salami. No offense.
- Helen: No.
- Tod: Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid there was something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a...” (continue)(continue reading)
Keanu Reeves - Tod
Dianne Wiest - Helen

“- Bartender: You ought to get out there and start dating again.
- Chester Lee: You go out there, what do you meet? You meet girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls.
- Bartender: Well, you know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea if you got the right bait.
- Chester Lee: Yeah. The trouble is, my hook ain't what it...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chuck McCann - Bartender
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee

“Kill this Barbarosa. Bring me his cojones. Bring them to me on a stick so we can see them and honor you.”
Gilbert Roland - Don Braulio

“They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so the fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it!”

David Della Rocco - Rocco

“Most women are as unhappy with their entire body as you are with your small penis.”
Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow

“I hope all your children have very small dicks! And that includes the girls!”

Jeff Goldblum - Dexter King

“Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.”

Jim Carrey - Hank

“- Killjoy: They don't castrate clergy. Just in case.
- Roscoe: Just in case of what?
- Killjoy: Just in case there really is a god.”
John Matuszak - Killjoy
Michael D. Roberts - Roscoe

“- Dave: Is his junk literally out of his pants?
- Ronnie: Yes.
- Dave: Now it's a party.”
Vince Vaughn - Dave
Malin Akerman - Ronnie

“Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact the females were not consulted about that.”
Misha Collins - Castiel

“Semen contains more protein and nutrients than an ear.”
Elijah Wood - Norval Greenwood

“- Officer Sacks: What do you have in your pants?
- Thor: My penis?
- Officer Sacks: Pull it out.
- Thor: I also have a big dick.”
Sam Richardson - Officer Sacks
Brady Noon - Thor

“It's normal to not touch a penis.”
Saoirse Una Ronan - Lady Bird McPherson

“- Vic: You've got brass balls.
- Stu: Don't talk about my balls!
- Vic: It's me and you.
- Stu: Leave my balls out of it!
- Vic: We're a team buddy.”
Dave Bautista - Vic Manning
Kumail Nanjiani - Stu

“I think I ate one of her pubic hairs.”
Jack Reynor - Christian

“Doctor, I read a statement you made that, uh, you felt that the average length of a man's penis should be nineteen inches. Doesn't that seem a little long?”

Woody Allen - Victor

“Is that what they call a Mona Lisa smile you got on your puss?”

Karl Malden - Archie Lee Meighan

“I got peanut butter on my penis.”
Toby Huss - Ray

“I'm just scared I'll come home one day and find you screwing a toaster. I forgot one thing, are you circumcised?”

Alice Playten - Gloria

“- Amy: How are your balls?
- Oscar Novak: They're fine. Thanks for asking.”

Neve Campbell - Amy Post
Matthew Perry - Oscar Novak