Sarcasm quotes

“- Dr. Cyril Wecht: How much has it cost you so far?
- Dr. Bennet Omalu: $20,000.
- Dr. Cyril Wecht: 20?
- Dr. Bennet Omalu: I save. Everything.
Dr. Cyril Wecht: Really? How un-American.”
Albert Brooks - Dr. Cyril Wecht
Will Smith - Dr. Bennet Omalu

“We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb. They send in someone who looks like Santa Claus' fucking wife!”
Jason Statham - Rick Ford

“- Mitchell Garabedian: I'm Armenian. How many Armenians do you know in Boston?
- Mike Rezendes: Steve Kurkjian, works at the Globe...
- Mitchell Garabedian: Oh. That's two. You should get a prize or something.”
Stanley Tucci - Mitchell Garabedian
Mark Ruffalo - Mike Rezendes

“One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.”

Barnard Hughes - Grandpa

“Phoebe Selburg. She who'd rather suck some stoner's cock than turn herself in for debrief, is going to question my authorization? I've read your file. You have no secrets from me! Your boyfriend isn't real. We made him. Oh, I'm so sorry that some lab-rat made you cum a bunch of times in the back of a Taco Bell. Yeah, that's probably a good...” (continue)(continue reading)
Christopher Grace - Adrian Yates

“- James Griswold: I've never even heard of the original vacation.
- Rusty Griswold: Doesn't matter. The new vacation will stand on its own.”
Skyler Gisondo - James Griswold
Ed Helms - Rusty Griswold

“- James Bond: I'll send you a postcard.
- Q: Please don't.”
Daniel Craig - James Bond

“Happily ever after only exists in fairy tales. Yet a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend, proving that Americans don't give a crap about anything.”

Sir Patrick Stewart - Narrator

“- Natalie: Sure, you can buy me a drink.
- Mitch: Good to know.
- Natalie: Is that how you treat a lady who shows interest?
- Mitch: You asked for a free drink. You didn't show interest.
- Natalie: Were you expecting a blow job right out of the gate?”
Lyndsy Fonseca - Natalie
Michael Doneger - Mitch

“- Colin: I am a big fan of your work.
- Nate: I wish I could say the same.”
Colin Mochrie - Colin Frost
Portia Doubleday - Nate

“- Brian Gilcrest: Can I have a double espresso?
- Allison Ng: Good morning, sir! I'm so jacked for today!
- Brian Gilcrest: Make that a triple.”
Bradley Cooper - Brian Gilcrest
Emma Stone - Allison Ng

“Do many foreign agents register?”

Mark Rylance - Rudolf Abel

“- Max Rockatansky: [points to the Citadel] All right. This is your way home.
- Imperator Furiosa: [incredulous] We go back?
- Max Rockatansky: Mmm.
- Toast: [incredulous] Back?
- Max Rockatansky: Yeah.
- The Dag: I thought you weren't insane anymore.”
Tom Hardy - Max Rockatansky
Charlize Theron - Imperator Furiosa
Zoë Kravitz - Toast the Knowing
Abbey Lee - The Dag

“The London underground is worse than anything we did in Guantanamo.”
Rob Riggle - Grant

“- Eve Moneypenny: He's just a friend.
- James Bond: At this hour of the night?
- Eve Moneypenny: It's called life, James. You should try it some time.”
Naomie Harris - Moneypenny
Daniel Craig - James Bond

“Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers. ”
Janeane Garofalo - Beth

“- Rufus: Sorry, you can't park here.
- Miss Shepherd: No, I've had guidance. This is where it should go.
- Rufus: Guidance? Who from?
- Miss Shepherd: The Virgin Mary. I spoke to her yesterday. She was outside the post office.
- Rufus: What does she know about parking?”
Roger Allam - Rufus
Maggie Smith - Miss Shepherd

“- Young Birdman: You could jump right back into that suit if you wanted to. We're not dead.
- Riggan: Look at me. Look at this. Look, look, look! I look like a turkey with leukemia!”
Benjamin Kanes - Young Birdman
Michael Keaton - Riggan

“Join the IMF. See the world, on a monitor, in a closet.”

Simon Pegg - Benji Dunn

“- James Donovan: What about my client, the other person in this equation? My guy.
- Allen Dulles: Your guy? You mean the Russian? He's not your guy anymore, Counselor. Your guy is Francis Gary Powers now.
- James Donovan: What do I tell Rudolf Abel?
- Allen Dulles: Tell him not to drop dead.”
Tom Hanks - James B. Donovan
Peter McRobbie - Allen Dulles

“- Dr. Cyril Wecht: I think you'll be an American hero.
- Dr. Bennet Omalu: I'm not even American.
- Dr. Cyril Wecht: Better. That's very American!”
Albert Brooks - Dr. Cyril Wecht
Will Smith - Dr. Bennet Omalu

“- Sage: Everyone's gonna talk about it at school!
- Elle Reid: What's he gonna say, 'Sage's grandma beat me up?'”
Julia Garner - Sage
Lily Tomlin - Elle Reid

“What am I looking at right now? Are you guys, soldiers or the casts of Magic Mike? Are you gonna fight or dance naked?”

Josh Gad - Ludlow

“- Dr. Cyril Wecht: Do you know why you're not back in Nigeria?
- Dr. Bennet Omalu: Yes, because I remind you of you.
- Dr. Cyril Wecht: Only less handsome. Sit down.”
Albert Brooks - Dr. Cyril Wecht
Will Smith - Dr. Bennet Omalu

“- TARS: I have a cue light I can use to show you when I'm joking, if you like.
- Cooper: That might help.
- TARS: Yeah, you can use it to find your way back to the ship after I blow you out the airlock. [cue light flashes]”
Bill Irwin - TARS
Matthew McConaughey - Cooper